Science Homur Jokes Page-7
The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child.
One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad: "Do you know, daddy, what I've found out?"
"The new baby will be Chinese!"
"Yes. I've read in the paper that statistics shows that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese..."
2. Psychologists subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician - a topologist, BTW-to an experiment:
Each of them is locked in a room for a day - hungry, with a can of food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper.
At the end of the day, the psychologists open the engineer's room first. Pencil and paper are unused, but the walls of the room are covered
with dents. The engineer is sitting on the floor and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open.
The physicist is next. The paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating,
too: He calculated how exactly to throw the can against the wall, so that it would crack open.
When the psychologists open the mathematician's room, the paper is also full of formulas, the can is still closed, and the mathematician has disappeared. But there are strange noises coming from inside the can...
Someone gets an opener and opens the can. The mathematician crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..."
3. A physicist, a statistician, and a (pure) mathematician go to the races and place bets on horses.
The physicist's horse comes in last. "I don't understand it. I have determined each horse's strength through a series of careful measurements."
The statistician's horse does a little bit better, but still fails miserably.
"How is this possible? I have statistically evaluated the results of all races for the past month."
They both look at the mathematician whose horse came in first. "How did you do it?"
"Well", he explains. "First, I assumed that all horses were identical and spherical..."
4. A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better:
a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend
it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
5. Q: What is a topologist
A person who cannot tell a doughnut from coffee mug
6. "What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
7. A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference
on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course,
the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves.
A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians
and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time the mathematicians have no ticket at all...
Again one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!".
All the engineers rush off to one washroom. One of the mathematicians goes to that washroom, knocks at the door, and says: "Your ticket, please..."
8. In the old days of the cold war, when it was very hard for Westerners to visit the Soviet Union,
a British mathematician travels to Moscow to speak in the seminar of a famous Russian professor.
He starts his talk writing a theorem on the board. When he wants to prove it, the professor interrupts him: "This theorem is clear!"
The speaker is, of course, annoyed, but manages to conceal it.
He continues his talk with a second theorem, but, again, when he wants to start with the proof,
he is interrupted by his host: "This theorem is also clear!"
With a stern face, he writes a third theorem on the board and asks: "Is this theorem clear, too?!"
His host nods.
The visitor grins and says: "This theorem - is false..."
9. Q: How does a mathematician
call his dog?
A: Cauchy - because it leaves a residue at every pole
10. In a class, a math professor claims that he can prove everything under the assumption that 1+1=1.
A student challenges him: "Then prove that you're the pope!"
He ponders for a moment and then replies: "I am one, and the pope is one. Therefore, the pope and I are one."
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