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Science Homur Jokes Page-3

  1. Theorem. Every positive integer is interesting.
         Proof. Assume towards a contradiction that there is an uninteresting positive integer. Then there must be a smallest uninteresting positive integer. But being the smallest uninteresting positive integer is interesting by itself. Contradiction!

  2. Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

  3. Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their functions.

  4. Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
         A: Zero.
         Q: Why?
         A: Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!

  5. Q: What is sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice...
         A: Zorn's lemon...

  6. A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.

His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, etc."

Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"

"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..."

  7. Q: What is purple and commutative?
         A: An abelian grape...

  8. A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time. Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake.

         When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

9.Q: What does a Ph.D. in math with a job say to a Ph.D. in math without a job?           A: 'Paper or plastic?'

Personally I don't like this joke, math people usually have to spend more time in research than the others, but didn't get that much return/payoff as the people in the other areas.

  10. Q: What does this story from the book of Genesis teach us about math?
          A: When you have to multiply, all you need are a log table and an adder!

  11. Q: How do you make one burn?
          A: Differentiate a log fire!

  12. A math professor is talking to her little brother who just started his first year of graduate school in mathematics.
          "What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" the brother wants to know.
          "Knot theory."
          "Yeah, me neither."

  13. Q: How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles? A: Warsaw!
  14. A visitor at the Royal Tyrell Museum asks a museum employee: "Can you tell me how old the skeleton of that T-Rex is?"
  "It is precisely 60 million and three years, two months, and eighteen days old."
          "How can you know that with such precision?!"
          "Well, when I started working here, one of the scientists told me that the skeleton was 60 million years old - and that was precisely three years, two months, and eighteen days ago..."

15. A math professor's six-year-old son knocks at door of his father's study.           "Daddy", he says. "I need help with a math problem I couldn't do at school."           "Sure", the father says and smiles. "Just tell me what's bothering you."
          "Well, it's a really hard problem: There are four ducks swimming in a pond, when two more ducks come and join them. How many ducks are now swimming in the pond?"
          The professor stares at his son with disbelief: "You couldn't do that?! All you need to know is that 4 + 2 = 6!"
          "Do you think, I'm stupid?! Of course, I know that 4 + 2 = 6. But what does this have to do with ducks!?"

  16."What is Pi?"
  A mathematician: "Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter."
          A computer programmer: "Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision."
          A physicist: "Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005."
          An engineer: "Pi is about 22/7."
          A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!"
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