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Science Homur Jokes Page-2

  1. "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

  2. A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession,
      he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?"
      "Of course not, dear - I love you much more!"
      Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!"
      Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero..."
  3. "So how's your boyfriend doing, the math student?"
         "Don't mention that crazy pervert to me anymore! We broke up."
         "How can you say such a nasty thing about him?
         He seemed to be such a nice boy."
         "Imagine! He was restless during the days and couldn't sleep at night - always trying to solve his math problems. When he had finally done it, he wasn't happy: he would call himself a complete idiot and throw all his notes into the garbage. One day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I told him to drop math. You know what he told me?"
         "He said, he enjoyed it!!!"

  4. An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.

The pure mathematician: "Would $30,000 be too much?"
The applied mathematician: "I think $60,000 would be OK."
The math finance person: "What about $300,000?"
The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"

"Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you - and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."

  5. Statistics Canada is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"
The pure mathematician: "It's one." The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."
The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

  6. In a speech to a gathering of mathematics professors from throughout the United States, George W. Bush warned the academics not to misuse their position to force their often extremist political views on young Americans. "It is my understanding", the president said, "that you are frequently teaching algebra classes in which your students learn how to solve equations with the help of radicals. I can't say that I approve of that..."

To appreciate this joke, you may find it useful to check out some information on George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States of America.

In the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans decide to hold a "George Bush Is Not Stupid" convention. Eighty thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium. Trent Lott says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush."

After the cheers die down. Lott says "Mr. President, we're going to prove to the world once and for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?" Bush, after scrunching up his face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!" Trent Lott says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I guess we can do that." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds of chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks "Ninety?"

Trent Lott is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened. But then Bush starts pouting, and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands, shouting again "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!" Lott, unsure whether he's doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" Bush looks down, counts on his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces "Four."

A moment of total silence, then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks out. All 80,000 Republicans jump to their feet. These GOP partisans start to wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar: "GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!"

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