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Humor Fun About Accountant

Ever wonder why they call it a Form 1040?
For every $50 you earn, you get $10, they get $40.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.

What is an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets the wounded.

Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep what does she say?
"Darling, tell me about your work."

What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.

Why the accountant started smoking?
So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire. So his medical expenses went above the 71/2% threshold.

How does an accountant stay out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.

Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with paper and pencil.

There are just three types of accountants: those who can count and those who can't.

Definitions of Accountants
- Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
If an accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing, then surely an accountant is someone who costs everything and is worth nothing!

Auditor - One who arrives after the battle is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Attorney - One who arrives after the auditor and strips the bodies.
Actuary - An accountant without a sense of humor.
Economist - Someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

Marry An Accountant
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live." The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

Robbers

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."


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