Ever wonder why they call it a Form 1040?
For every $50 you earn, you get $10, they get $40.
What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What is an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets the wounded.
Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep what does she say?
"Darling, tell me about your work."
What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.
What did the accountant say when he looked
at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.
Why the accountant started
So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire. So his medical expenses went above the 71/2% threshold.
How does an accountant stay
out of debt?
He learns to act his wage.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with paper and pencil.
There are just three types of accountants: those who can count and those who can't.
Definitions of Accountants
- Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
If an accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing, then surely an accountant is someone who costs everything and is worth nothing!
Auditor - One who arrives after the battle is lost and bayonets
Attorney - One who arrives after the auditor and strips the bodies.
Actuary - An accountant without a sense of humor.
Economist - Someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.